When a child come to his or her parents, and say to them, “mom, dad, I’ve found someone with whom I would like to spend the rest of my life with”
I think parents response should be, “oh! That’s a good one my child, but then, are you sure you’re ready for this long ride? How prepared are you for this once in a lifetime decision you want to make?”
To be honest, no one would deny that the news of finding someone with whom they would like to spend the rest of your life with isn’t a good news, but then, I would suggest that, before jubilating and saying, “finally, I’ve been praying for this moment my child, all your mates have been married, those who said my child wouldn’t get married would be finally put to shame and whatnot” they should learn to ask very important questions instead.
Ask the following questions;
1. How well do you know this person?
This is a good question because a lot of young people do not take their time to know who they want to spend the rest of their life with. They do not their likes and dislikes, so when these things begin to show up in marriages, you hear them complain. If they had taken their time while they were dating or in courtship to exchange data which will help them know themselves to an extent, they’ll be able to avoid minor arguments and would have mastered the act of resolving conflicts between themselves to an extent too.
2. Apart from you taking care of yourself mentally, emotionally, spiritually etc., Can he or she also do the same for you when you’re down in any of these areas?
Life happen all the time, we all need someone who we can relay on in our down times and vise versa. Someone who can make us laugh so hard, play and be naughty with forgetting all our worries and fears in this world.
3. Does he or she value and respect you?
It is certainly not advisable to be with someone who does not value or respect how your feel. Most women can’t submit to a man they don’t respect, so it’s best to be sure these red flags are not present in the person your child wants to spend the rest of his or her life with.
4. What are his or her purpose and core values like?
Knowing their purpose and core values will help them know what is more important and not so important to each of them as a person. Sometimes, it is best to be with someone with whom your purpose and his or her core values align.
5. Does he or she have a plan?
What are their plans? They’ve got to know what they are getting involved in. Marriage isn’t all about sex, there’s more.
6. Kids will eventually come in the long run, what is his or her plans for the unborn kids?
They have to have plans for their unborn kids, such as, the kind of school they’ll love their kids go to, agree on names for their kids, kind of investment they would like to make happen for their kids and how they can both bring up their kids properly as parents—co-parenting.
7. Do you think having kids with him or her would be the best decision you ever made?
Apart from being happily married together as couples, I think this is the most important part of marriage which make it a very important question to ask your child. Children’s lives are very precious and important, so it would be safe not to let them go through some tough times or trauma just because a parent isn’t fully involved in their life. No one wants to have kids with a partner who is not responsible and does not know how to take care of a child. No one wants a partner who can’t spend time with his or her kid, impacting the right values into a child. Kids crave quality time too! The way they watch you as their parents raise them would determine and also help them become bad or better parents in the near future as well.
8. What does he or she do?
Do they have a paying job or own a business? This question is vital and shouldn’t be ignored because no one deserves a lazy partner.
9. Are you both financially stable and comfortable to an extent to be able to provide basic needs as a couple?
In this time and age, money is very important in marriage. There will be a lot of needs to be met. You would sometimes want to support your parents, siblings, give to strangers, your kids, surprise your partner with gifts and even go on dates and or vacations together as couples sometimes. All of these means, you both have to be financially stable to an extent and keep growing your finances together as couples.
10. Do you feel at peace and at home with this person?
This is another important question to ask. If they allow you be your true self around them without being judged, then that’s a good sign. You have to feel at peace knowing this person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with got you anytime.
11. How prepared are you for this journey called marriage?
It’s not always going to be all laughter and rosy. There will be misunderstanding, there will be challenges and trials to test your love for each other as partners. They have to know what they are getting into. They have to know marriage isn’t for children. That it takes a lot of efforts, patience, tolerance, forgiveness, vulnerability, understanding from both partners to make their marriage work.
Ask your sons or your daughters reasonable questions please as it would help them have a rethink on the decision they are about to make. Because the rate at which people get divorce these days, it’s a sign that people barely know who they are with and or barely know what they are getting themselves into.
It’s equally sad that most people these days choose to keep sharing the negative side of marriage neglecting to share with the unmarried the positive side of marriage as well. This is discouraging to a lot of unmarried folks, it’s actually making most unmarried people closed off, not putting in their all and pouring out their best into their partners in relationships before marriage.
Truth is, once you miss it the first time in marriage, it will most definitely affect you in all areas of your life. And it’s advisable that if you’re not mature on all levels yet, then marriage isn’t for you. You have to be ready and maturity should be on all levels before embarking on the life journey called marriage.
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